


she’s working for the other side

by knightinbrightfeathers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awesome Sharon Carter, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/F, Homophobic Language, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Secret Relationship, Spies & Secret Agents, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8414566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinbrightfeathers/pseuds/knightinbrightfeathers
Summary: "Did you know that this hotel is a front for AIM?""No," Natasha says. "How did you find out?""Well, the bartender recognized me from a mission in France three years ago, and now he thinks that we're here to bust their operation.""We're on vacation," Natasha says.Or, five times everybody thought that it was mission-related and one time they didn't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine a perfect world where Natasha never dated (I'm sorry, I meant played boob-trampoline with) Hulk. That's it, the rest is canon compliant.  
> There's no real timeline to this, so all you need to know is that everything except the last part (the +1) happens before Avengers, when Sharon was still working for SHIELD.  
> Title from Melissa Etheridge's "Secret Agent" because it fits my girl to a T.

1

 

First dates are always a little nerve-wracking. That goes double if you're a secret agent. People tend to ask you about your job, and "If I told you I'd have to kill you" is only a turn-on for very specific people. People who are definitely not Sharon's type.

No, Sharon's type is the kind who could kill her back. She's pretty sure this is a new development, but who knows. Maybe Jess from college was actually HYDRA.

Damn, better hope not.

"Soy milk latte, double espresso, shot of vanilla syrup, caramel, two sugars, no foam?" Natasha plunks the paper cup on the table in front of her with a raised eyebrow. "Are you wearing galaxy leggings under your uniform?"

"Wouldn’t you like to know," Sharon says.

Natasha sets down the rest of her haul and sits down across from Sharon. "Isn't that a third date thing?"

"Only for people who still read Cosmo."

"Heaven forbid." Natasha takes a sip of her coffee and makes a face. "Ugh. American coffee."

Sharon snorts. "Don't pretend like I haven't seen you drink coffee from the vending machines."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Natasha says. She traces a finger around the lid of her cup, which means she's letting Sharon see that she's nervous. "It's nice to finally be able to do this."

Sharon grimaces. "I really am sorry for that. The info we needed for the raid landed in our laps at the last minute, and then there was nothing to do but cancel on you."

Natasha waves a hand dismissively. "I know how these things go. No need to apologize."

Sharons nods her thanks. "Believe me, I would much rather have met up with you. That mission was a clusterfuck from start to finish."

"Worse than Trinidad?"

"Trinidad wasn't a series of accidents taken from a slapstick comedy. We get off the chopper and the first thing that happens- not that I'm giving you information about a top secret mission, of course-"

"Of course."

"First thing that happens is that the new guy gets surprised by a damn potoo bird and shoots himself in the foot."

Natasha purses her lips. "Well, they are kind of scary."

Sharon glares at her.

"Do continue," Natasha says, no longer even trying to hide her smile.

"Vance sent him back with Lee. After that, everyone was pretty keyed up, so of course someone managed to trip the alarm while we were infiltrating the compound. The siren made Cooper trip over his own shoelaces and crash into a cleaning cart, which spilled cleaning fluid all over the floor. Hernandez had an allergic reaction to the cleaning fluid and couldn't stop sneezing. And that's when the security guards found us."

"Oh, no," Natasha says, with absolutely no sympathy.

"I swear to god, they were laughing at us. Ten highly trained operatives, armed to the teeth, skidding all over the wet floor and trying to find out where Hernandez stores her epi pen. Some of us- and honestly, I'm not even sure which ones- opened fire on the security guards, and somehow in the process, Vance got clocked and went down. So there I am, down to a team of eight, trying to organize a retreat, because there's no way-" Sharon stops mid-sentence. "What's wrong?"

Natasha nods her head at something behind Sharon. "One of Coulson's people just entered. She's looking for me."

"She could just be here for a coffee." Sharon would be so lucky.

"Excuse me, Agent Romanova?" The woman who comes up to their table looks like she needs a good night's sleep and possibly some gel inserts for those torturous shoes. She hands Natasha a file. "I'm sorry to interrupt your meeting, but Agent Coulson says that it's urgent."

Natasha flips through the folder, frowning. "I thought Elridge was on this."

"She called for back up."

"I see." Natasha gets up. "I'm sorry, Sharon. This really can't wait."

"Seems to be a running theme with us," Sharon says.

Natasha flashes her a grin. "We'll finish this, don't you worry. Thank you, Agent Reese." With that, she strides off, leaving Sharon with Reese.

"Was this a very urgent briefing?"

"Hmm?" Sharon gets up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I've been waiting for it for a while, but don't worry. Here, do you want my coffee? You look like you need it."

 

2

 

"Where did you find this place?"

Natasha hums, perusing the menu. She's dressed in a stunning grey dress that probably costs more than Sharon earns in a month. "Pepper recommended it. She says the Mongolian beef is to die for."

Sharon dares to take a peek at the menu. For a restaurant recommended by the CEO of Stark Industries, the prices are surprisingly reasonable. She won't even have to live on cafeteria lunches for the next month.

"You look really nice, by the way."

"Thank you- fuck!" Sharon jumps in her chair. "That better be your foot, Nat."

"Whose foot would it be?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Stop trying to make me calm down," Sharon says, but she's smiling. "I hope you know that you're paying."

"God forbid you think I'm not a gentleman," Natasha says.

"I've seen you break into Hill's office to pull a prank. Anyone who moves their boss's entire office one inch to the left is anything but a gentleman."

"Obviously it was a turn on for you."

It was, but Sharon will never admit that.

Natasha smirks at her.

The arrival of the waiter interrupts their conversation. Sharon, who can't remember a single thing on the menu, orders the Mongolian beef. Pepper Potts has impeccable taste in everything but men, so it'll probably be good.

"And you, miss?" asks the waiter.

Before Natasha can open her mouth, someone says, "This is a robbery! Everybody stay calm. Give us all your money and jewelry and no one gets hurt."

"I just wanted a nice, normal date," Natasha sighs. "Pepper's going to kill me."

"Are we doing an L36 or a J81?" Sharon asks, shucking her heels. No point in taking out her handgun, though. She'd just hit a civilian.

"Neither. How do you feel about pretending to be KGB?"

"Yup, she's going to kill you."

 

3

 

Nancy Rubinowski picks up her mail on the way back from the gym room. She works from home, but that's no reason to be a slob, or pass up on the wonderful community feeling in her building. Nancy Rubinowski loves meeting new people, making friends, and her intentionally vague job.

"Good afternoon, Nancy!" says Mr. Casey from 2B, age 39, seperated from his wife, HR manager for a small tech company.

"Good afternoon, Bob," Nancy says. "How are you today?"

"I'm great. Are you coming to the tenant meeting today?"

"Yup," Nancy says, smiling cheerily. "Can't let them paint the lobby blue, you know!"

"See you then!"

Nancy nods and presses the elevator button. She rides the elevator up to the fifth floor, gets out of the elevator, unlocks her door, steps inside her apartment, and closes the door behind her- but it's Natasha Romanova who keys in the secret code before the silent alarm goes off.

It’s also Natasha Romanova who collapses into an armchair with a groan. It’s not that this is a tough mission, or that she has a difficult cover to maintain – it’s just that Nancy Rubinowski is so very, very boring. Of course, she's supposed to be boring, but she's so dull that it's suspicious. Mission Prep really need to step up their game.

For example, 5A is actually the head of a rising crime syndicate, but her cover as an heiress heavily involved in charity work is excellent. That 'catering mishap' at the Helping Hearts fundraiser? Inspired.

Her intercom buzzes, and Natasha perks up. "Who is it?"

"It's Claude," says the unmistakable voice of Clint Barton.

Natasha lets him up, slipping into the Nancy persona before she opens the door. "Hey, bro!"

"Hey Nancy. Brought you some takeout," Clint says, holding up two bags.

"Oh my gosh, that's so sweet! Come in!"

The moment the door's closed, they both drop their personas.

"You can dump the stuff on the table. I hope it's better than the first bugs, because she found those faster than Hulk went through Harlem."

Clint laughs and puts down the takeout bags. "It should be. The bugs in here are straight from R&D. There's nothing like them on the market."

"I feel so special." Natasha removes a carton from the bag and peeks into it. "Oooh, FitzSimmon's new smartcam! I wanted to get a look at that. Thanks, Clint."

"No problem. There's actual takeout in the other bag, by the way. I brought you green curry."

"Nice."

Clint watches her dig through the boxes for a minute. "Hey, Nat?"

"Yeah?"

"Does the Nancy Rubinowski cover have a girlfriend?"

"Well, of course."

"I don't remember it being in the briefing."

"Come on, Clint. She was boring. Besides, 3B was hitting on me. Two birds with one stone."

"You think all the covers they give you are boring."

"That's not true, I liked Natalie Rushman."

"You hated that cover. You're only saying that now because you got to tase Stark."

Natasha smiles wistfully and opens a box of samosas. "See? Not boring at all."

"What're you going to do when they ask you about your girlfriend and you don't have any photos or anything?"

"I'll show them pictures of Sharon," Natasha says through a mouthful of hummus paste.

“Sharon isn’t involved in this mission.”

"I'm sure she'll find some time to drop by if I ask her to."

Clint squints at her for a moment, then shrugs. "Okay. Pass me the lentils."

 

4

 

"Are you just going to sit there all day and drink Mai Tais?"

Natasha looks at Sharon over her sunglasses. "This is a fruit smoothie. I may be Russian, but even I would die of alcohol poisoning at some point."

"Come on, Nat. The water's amazing."

"So's the view." This is accompanied by the cheesiest eyebrow wiggle known to mankind.

Sharon splashes her. "You're lame."

"And you're five years old, apparently."

"Hey! I'll have you know that five year old me was a very well behaved child." Sharon pouts. "Please?"

Natasha just leans back in her lounge chair. "I'd rather just watch you."

"Creep," Sharon says. She pulls herself out of the water. "If you won't join me, I guess I'll come over and drip all over you."

"Or you could go get your own chair and lie in the sun with me."

"Do I get my own fruit smoothie?"

Natasha points back at the hotel. "The bar's right over there."

Sharon pecks her on the nose and scrams before Natasha throws her back into the water.

An hour later, a shadow falls over Natasha.

"What took you so long?" she asks without opening her eyes.

"Um," Sharon says. "Did you know that this hotel is a front for AIM?"

"No," Natasha says, sitting up. Sharon's sporting a cut across one cheek. "How did you find out?"

"Well, the bartender recognized me from a mission in France three years ago, and now he thinks that we're here to bust their operation."

"We're on _vacation_ ," Natasha says.

" _I_ know that."

 

5

 

Sharon's been unobtrusive the whole night. She's sitting in a corner, she's only had one drink, and compared to the dresses some of the girls in the club are wearing, she's practically wearing a nun's habit.

And now some drunk asshole is all up in her face, blocking her view of the club. Life just isn't fair.

"Hey, sweetheart," the guy slurs. "You're really pretty, y'know?"

Sharon gives him a tight smile. "Thanks."

"Lemme buy you a drink." His tank top shows more sideboob than Sharon ever wants to see, ever, and there's so much gel in his hair that he probably doesn't need a helmet.

"No, thank you," Sharon says, in a voice guaranteed to freeze anyone's balls off.

"Come on, just one drink. Just one, whaddya say? Huh?"

"I said no," Sharon says, trying to see over the guy's shoulder.

"Why not? What, am I not good enough for you?" He's getting loud, aggressive, and it's drawing attention.

Sharon curses under her breath. She can't be noticed. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Yeah? Well, he's not here, so how 'bout you'n'me have some fun?"

"She said no," says Natasha, behind him.

The guy turns around to look at Natasha, swaying slightly. "Who are you?"

"Her girlfriend." Natasha skirts around the asshole gracefully and wraps an arm around Sharon's waist. "So you better back off."

"No way you're a fucking dyke," the asshole growls. "You think I'm stupid, lady?" He lurches towards Natasha, but before Sharon can blink, two bulky men in suits are dragging him away, with a third apologizing profusely. Sharon's actually quite impressed.

Natasha, however, is not. She waves the man away, cradling Sharon’s cheek.

 _This is a mission_ , Sharon thinks as loudly as possible. _What are you doing?_

"Are you all right, darling?" Natasha asks.

Sharon nods.

Natasha glares at the bartender. "Watch over her."

The bartender gulps. "Yes, Miss Alianovna."

"Or I'll tell Mr. Kozlov that you're the reason he didn't make a very lucrative business deal." Natasha kisses Sharon on the cheek and flounces away, leaving Sharon to wonder if the bartender is actually going to faint.

 

+1

 

"I'm so glad that's over," Sam says, arm over his eyes.

"We did good, and that's what matters," Steve says. Next to him, Wanda is nodding off, wrapped in a blanket. It has little Iron Men drawn on it. "No casualties, minimum property damage. I'd call this mission a win."

Sam whoops, but quietly. "Does this mean we get post-mission shawarma?"

Rhodes groans. "Please, no shawarma."

"Burgers?" Steve suggests.

"Sushi," Sam says.

"Palacinka," Wanda says, half asleep.

"I have no opinion," Vision says. "But I believe that the team has not gone for post-mission pizza for a while."

"Looks like you're the tie-breaker, Nat," Steve says.

"I'm not coming," Natasha says.

"Why not?"

"I have a date to prepare for."

Silence.

"What do you mean, a date?" Rhodes asks.

"I mean, I'm taking my girlfriend out to dinner."

"Girlfriend?" Wanda asks, now fully awake.

"Yes, _viedmachka_."

"But I thought you and-"

"You thought wrong," Natasha says.

"Since when?" Steve asks.

Natasha shrugs. "A while. Since before they pulled you out of the ice."

"That's years!"

"Do we get to meet her?" Sam asks.

Natasha hesitates. Her first instinct is to say no, of course not. She's never told anyone- but she knows Sharon told her parents. She even told Peggy.

_You wanted this. You can trust them._

_Don't be a coward, Romanova._

Natasha smiles at Sam. "I'll ask her."

 

 **From Natasha** : Do you want to meet the avengers?

 **To Natasha** : Of course. But they're not coming to date night.

**Author's Note:**

> Natasha calls Wanda 'little witch'. Thank you to E for the non-butchered Russian. She'd never read this, but man, Google Translate is the worst.  
> Disclaimer: Shawarma is great. Plus, I have no idea if Sokavians would eat palacinka (like Hungarian crepes), but apparently they eat paprikash, so why the hell not.


End file.
